I turned 64 a couple of days ago – and like Sally O’Malley would say, “I’m not one of those gals who likes to hide her age.” I couldn’t care less who knows how old I am, because I think I’m doing pretty well for myself. I can still “kick, stretch, and kick” and remember the important things (where I hid that cigarette, where I hid that tequila, where I hid those chocolate covered raisins from Costco, and (sometimes) where I left my cellphone).

So, thinking about this whole “getting older” thing, I decided to take a look at Google to get a feel for what I could look forward to. And according to today’s Google Alert results for “elderly” here’s what’s coming my way:

• Scammers targeting elderly with phone calls posing as DOJ officials, agency says
• Elderly New Yorkers languish on wait lists for critical services amid COVID-19        
• What could cost $885,000? Stopping work to care for elderly parents
• Las Vegas police seek robbery suspect targeting elderly people at casinos
• Elderly Perth man drowns off Cable Beach in Broome after four men abandon sinking vessel

And the winner:

• Elderly man tries to swat housefly, causes explosion: report

Really? This is what I have to look forward to? Hell no! I’m not falling for it (and I’m not falling yet either!). I’m going to write this blog and MAKE headlines like,

• Elderly woman poses as 7-year-old, calls Walgreen’s to demand they let “Prince Albert” out of the can
• 86-year-old former infectious disease expert finds cure for COVID-19
• Elderly woman tells children, “Keep your $885,000 … I’m spending your inheritance”
• “Those Zumba classes really paid off!” says elderly woman at casino who thwarts robbery with well-placed “kick balls, change” to the groin
• Elderly Perth man saves four who abandon sinking vessel off Cable Beach in Broome
• Elderly man swats housefly, transforms into “Jeff Goldblum, Superhero“

According to population estimates from the U.S. Census Bureau, as of July 1, 2019 (the latest date for which population estimates are available) there are 71.6 million people in the US between the ages 55 and 73 (Baby Boomers) – and just over 55 million age 65+ (no thanks to you, stupid COVID-19). And you just can’t convince me that we’re only dying of viruses, getting scammed by assholes pretending to work for the DOJ, or blowing things up.

This blog is NOT going to be depressing. It’s going to focus on all of the great things about being older and, at times, try to find some humor in the things that aren’t so great. Most of all, I hope it will be a place for you to talk about YOUR thoughts and questions about this time of our lives.

I’ll find experts to answer your questions, I’ll ask your opinion, and I’ll make sure you’re not invisible! I hope you’ll join me for this fun adventure!

1. 

   Why thank you, Mrs. Iorio!

2. 

   There are so many things I love about this post, one of them being “sesquipedalian,” which I totally looked up…

3. 

   love this! I think the memories of my worst text mistakes have been erased thru PTSD.

4. 

   Hooney Ellis

5. 

   I loved THE NAME GAME- 🎶 Shirley Shirley boberley Bonana fana foferley Fee fi momerley SHIRLEY 🎶 B